Our Year in Review

I think most of us are guilty of looking ahead to the next “big” thing--what better time than now? With 2012 approaching, it's easy to get caught up in the possibilities of a new year and the anticipation of things to come. However, by always looking ahead, we tend to miss what's happening RIGHT NOW. And even though I didn't see it at the time, we had a pretty big 2011 around here.

Our Top Ten Moments of 2011:
1. Sassy was a flower girl in Aunt Mo's wedding. And we were thrilled to have Uncle Bear join our crazy brood. What a beautiful day! Our apologies to the numerous guests who had food stolen off of their plates by Stinkus. We really do feed her. But you saw her on the dance floor—a girl's gotta keep her energy up somehow!

2. R and I had birthdays that aren't milestones to anyone but me--but being as close to 40 as 30 is a big deal to this mama. 40?!?! Seriously?! However, I got carded yesterday at a local convenience store so I think I'll ROCK 40. :) Stay tuned for BIG bashes in five (almost four, gulp) years!!!

3. We welcomed our nephew K into the world and were SO grateful he took his own sweet time getting here. We are SO happy for Uncle M, Aunt S, and Big Sis M. Thank you, God, for answered prayers!

4. After three years, I (FINALLY) got my braces off! Definitely worth waiting for!

5. We thought about moving and then realized we have everything we want here. Lots of square footage, our own “park” outside, and a blue toilet.

6. R and I celebrated ten years of marriage by spending eight days in Florida. It was such a great time. The girls had a blast too—they got eight days of being spoiled rotten by their grandparents and aunties. :)

7. Sassy started kindergarten! She LIVES for school and honestly gets mad when a Saturday rolls around and—heaven forbid—she has to stay home with us. I think Stinkus is enjoying going to the sitter alone. The only person to tattle on her for daily timeout in the corner is herself (and yes, she pointed out to me one day which corner was hers. Nice.)

8. R started a new (and hopefully last!) career. We're SO proud of him and the difference he makes in patients' lives.

9. Stinkus moved to a big girl bed. I can remember saying when she was a baby: "WHEN will she stop crying every morning?" Well, she's stopped. The other morning I woke to a sweet little voice singing her own version of "Jingle Bells." Of course, that was before she came barreling into my room at 100 mph shrieking: "I wake up NOW?!" And someday, I will miss this too. . .

10. We went into debt with a surgery I had on my leg. Darn insurance deductibles going UP. :( I had a vein that was hurting me and it was a long time coming. Oh well. I'm hoping that I'll stop feeling nauseous about the money when I'm wearing shorts again next summer for the first time in YEARS.

We're wrapping up the year and excited for everything 2012 will bring:
a new niece or nephew
(hopefully) our last box of diapers
Daddy's certification
shorts!
1st grade
fewer timeouts in the corner?

Even better--everything that we don't know about yet! May you all have a blessed 2012!

Things We Learned This Christmas

1. Telling Daddy, "NO, YOU be quiet!" during Christmas Eve mass gets you taken outside--fast.

2. The only way to truly see Baby Jesus is to Communion line-jump and run right up to the nativity scene. You can top it all off by yelling: "Mommy! I see Baby Jesus!" when you've been corralled back to the pew.

3. Despite Santa's efforts to find THE perfect gift, the beloved favorite will be a $5 flashlight.

4. Orange Julius tastes better if you add the sugar.

5. Santa comes even if you've been naughty, and he remembers stuff you forgot to write on your list. What a guy!

6. However, he doesn't come again on Christmas night if you missed seeing him on Christmas Eve.

7. In a few years, Christmas Vacation is gonna get some big laughs. Sassy LOVED the opening scene with the tree on the car. And we decided that was probably enough for now. . . :)

8. Sister's presents are always cooler, "shared" gifts aren't always shared, and even if you have the exact same gift, there will STILL be fighting.

9. Digital cameras used by little people = being caught in some not-so-flattering shots. Note to self: Lock the door when changing to avoid future pictures without pants. . . .

10. Despite their name, bathtub crayons do not easily wipe off of the tub. Thanks, Santa. Not one of your better purchases.

11. It's ok to have M&Ms before breakfast.

12. In the future, Santa should drink EVERY last drop of milk because it's fair game the next morning. Yes, she tipped it up. GROSS.

13. We were spoiled with a 7:30 wake-up call. (I heard of some kids who were up at 2 am! WHAT?!) Anyway, girls, just know that you're setting the bar high. Next year, we're aiming for 8.

14. The best way to end the day (and melt Mom's heart): "Come here, I want to cuddle wif you on da couch."

15. Building our own family traditions with Sassy and Stinkus is a pretty amazing gift.

The Perfect Christmas

I should have called my blog: "Things My Parents Were Right About and Why I Need To Apologize." This post is a much-needed apology to my mom, decades after the fact. Pulling off Christmas is HARD. I'm trying not to panic that my list is getting longer while the countdown is getting shorter. Once again, I have NO clue how my mom pulled off Christmas each year for us. I know that I didn't make it any easier. I had this extremely over-the-top idealistic image of Christmas. I had it all planned: we would get the house all squeaky clean and then put on some Christmas music, make hot chocolate, and decorate the tree in perfect harmony. Then we would head to mass on Christmas Eve, come home and gather round with mugs of red hot apple cider and cookies, and just bask in the Christmas spirit. Awwwwww. I have no clue where I got this. It was like I watched one too many Hallmark movies, but we didn't have cable so I can't blame it on that. While I don't remember specific details, I'm pretty sure that with ten people, it did NOT go like this. Oh, and to add to the stress, yours truly decided for several years to write and direct a little Christmas play that we would present after mass. This lasted about five minutes into rehearsal because--shocking--it's apparently not fun to work with a bossy older sister who is barking out orders and yelling at people to stop ruining Christmas. Yeah, that was me. Sorry, Mom. It's funny because while I know there were tears and fights and utter chaos, Christmas WAS perfect. I have such great memories of Christmas mornings with my family and I SO appreciate everything my parents did to make it magical.

Now as an adult, I realize that "perfect" is hard to come by. For Stinkus's first Christmas, she had a tummy bug and I spent the majority of Christmas Eve Day cleaning projectile vomit from numerous surfaces in our house. In case you're wondering, an Exersaucer has LOTS of little crevices. I made a mad rush to Walmart at 3 pm to finish up some last minute stuff--NOT the time to shop--and Santa got Oreos that year because I didn't have the time or energy to roll out my famous sugar cookies. We can laugh now, but that Christmas will forever be the "How Many Pairs of Pajamas Can We Wear In 24 Hours" Christmas. Moments after putting her down (in Pajamas #1), Stinkus puked PEAS all over herself and her crib. Pajamas #2. The next morning, her diaper exploded all up her back. Pajamas #3. Then Sassy (in Pajamas #4) who was 3 1/2 and had been trained for a while, refused to break from the Santa madness to take a morning tinkle and proceeded to pee her pants in the living room. Pajamas #5. So much for the cute matching jammies. . .Last year there were fewer bodily fluids on Christmas morning, but more tears. Stinkus didn't want any of her presents--just Sassy's.

There is no "perfect." (I wish some friends on Facebook would admit to this but that's another blog. . .) There's everyday life and Christmas Day is no exception. Tonight we're going on a "Christmas Light Hunt" (coined by Sassy a few years ago) and I'm sure there will be fits, tears, and lots of ice cream dripped in the car. And it will be perfect.

Life Lessons

On any given day, the little people in my house are taking it all in and learning something about this thing called life. You don't bite people, stepstools can make anything off-limits totally accessible, and if you sit back a little too far on the potty, you can in fact, get pee everywhere but IN the potty. To say it's exhausting is an understatement. I've said things I never thought I would say ("We don't eat toilet paper out of the toilet"--yes, really), and I know that a future with two teenage daughters will continue to provide numerous situations in which I'm speechless and clueless as to how to parent. Yet, one of the things I've noticed as the girls get older is best said in this quote that I just read online: "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

HOW TRUE. Lately, I've noticed my girls reminding me what's truly important in life:

1. It's the little things that matter.
We recently dropped some satellite channels to save money. We won't miss a few channels. . . unless one is THE cartoon channel my girls adore. So for months now we've been acting shocked and disappointed nearly EVERY morning. "Ahhhhh, Dora's not on again!" Dang satellite provider. So the other morning, I was in my bathroom getting ready for another day at work, tired and cranky and ready for a weekend. All of a sudden, I heard an elephant running through the house and Stinkus appeared at my door with a giddy laugh and twinkly eyes. "MOM!!! Doh-doh's ON!!! Doh-doh's on! Are you SO excited?!" Then she giggled and danced around a bit, hopping from one foot to the other before she hightailed it back down the hall. How could I NOT be excited? If only we adults could be that excited over something so small.

2. Never let worry keep you awake at night.
Sassy was having trouble falling asleep and I immediately started worrying about her. I didn't know if she was upset about something at school, if someone was picking on her, if she was dreading a certain class. I sat down, all sympathetic and concerned, and tried to prepare a good answer for whatever she revealed. "I just can't stand," she started, "how fun every day is!" And she broke into a huge grin and kicked her legs. How many of us go to bed and can't sleep because every day is SO fun? I'm blessed to love my job but I have no problems sleeping. Ask my couch. :) And if I'm NOT sleeping, it's because I'm stressed out or worried about something.

3. Everyone deserves to have a friend.
One of my biggest concerns when Sassy started school was who her friends would be. We don't know a lot of people or families here. My siblings and I didn't grow up with money (neither are my kids) but we seemed to be friends with the "good" kids: the kids from good homes, whose parents were like mine, whose homes were like the one in which I grew up. So I've been hoping that Sassy would also be drawn to a "good" kid. Upon some investigation, I learned that her best friend doesn't have a very good home life, and really struggles in school. I initially (of course) worried. I hoped that Sassy wasn't being shunned by the "good" kids, I worried about future sleepovers and going to this little girl's house, I wondered why Sassy wasn't friends with someone more like her. So I started with the sneaky Mom interrogation: "How did you start being friends?" And my sweet, sensitive Sassy said, "She was really sad one day and I cheered her up." Interrogation over. When you're five, everyone is the same. Kids don't see the differences that we adults dwell on. So at that moment, I sent up a little prayer of thanksgiving. I was so proud and grateful that my sweet little girl is a friend to someone who may really need one, and that in return, she is learning (and teaching, apparently) important lessons about friendship. And isn't that what I've wanted?

It's funny that we think we have all the answers. And really, how important are some of the "lessons" I've been teaching? There probably aren't a lot of adults going around biting each other and peeing everywhere. I know that I'm giving my kids more than that--but how amazing that they're giving me more as well.

Peace and Quiet

We survived Thanksgiving. In addition to my big family, we've also added four spouses and so far, six grandkids. (No more from this household, rest assured!) To say that it's a bit crowded at family gatherings is an understatement. Luckily we get along well enough to tolerate each other for 4+ days. At one point the cousins were running like crazy through the house and SHRIEKING. What is it with girls screaming?! It drives me insane and I'm used to it. Unlike the dogs in the surrounding four counties and my dad. I went into the living room after the madness had gone to sleep and apologized for all the noise. His answer wasn't at all what I expected: "Well, they aren't hurting anything. You wouldn't believe how quiet it will be on Sunday." It's another one of life's ironies. I don't know how many times I've said, "What I wouldn't give for a moment of PEACE around here!" and our parents have all the peace in the world now--and it's too quiet. :( The girls will be gone in about fifteen years. Which is nothing compared to the (hopefully) 30ish years we'll have later. I often remind R that he'll miss all the toys under his feet 24/7 but once again, it's hard to appreciate it at the time.

So during this holiday season, I'm going to try to appreciate the daily FLEETING moments that drive me insane:

1. EVERY morning at 6:15 I hear an elephant running through the house, the bathroom door is flung open, and a little face appears at the shower door, wiping steam away: "What you doing, Mom?" Hmmm, same thing I was doing yesterday at this time without any privacy. She then plops down on a rug and watches the show. Thank goodness she's only two and not old enough to ask too many questions about what she and Sassy did to my body.

2. I've also found that I'm either going to have an audience while I'm doing my business in the bathroom or endure a constant, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom," on the other side of the door. I'm not sure which is worse.

3. I have ZERO time to myself on my commute to work. One is dropped off at daycare and two minutes later, I'm getting out of the car with the other one who spends about five minutes at my work before the bus picks her up. Now this could be great quality time but it's usually spent listening to never-ending stories about princesses and cupcakes and constant fighting over whose turn it is to talk. I'd just like a turn to listen to the radio.

5. I now know why my dad was so cranky in the evenings. He didn't have DVR. It is impossible to watch anything with kids. I feel like our TV is on permanent pause and two hours later, the time is up and we still aren't ready to watch it.

6. My parents always had a "circle" in the house that was great fun growing up. We have one too. And it's apparently still fun decades later to run through rooms, chase each other and scream like wild animals. Maybe we should have sold our house after all. . .

7. I sound really selfish saying this next one because it would have been a vacation for my mom to grocery shop with two kids, but wow, I would love to have one trip ALONE. Actually, it's usually not too bad. But I just had surgery and I can't lift Stinkus into a cart. It's ugly. I don't think Sassy's fingers ever left the cart when she was little. Stinkus is lucky to be in the same AISLE as the cart. I wasn't sure whether to be nervous that someone would take her or grateful if someone did. Just kidding. Kind of. :) Man, I was worn out. Again, I used to laugh at parents who put their kids on leashes. . .

I have to remember that someday, in the not-so-distant future, grocery shopping and car rides will feel lonely. I'll miss that little Peeping Tom who greets me in the morning and wants to climb in the shower so I can "hemi-hemi!" Someday there will be nothing on TV and all the time in the world to watch it because there are no toys to pick up. And I don't want to be sad about it. I want to enjoy all the chaos now and send my girls off to live the rest of their lives--and then enjoy the rest of our life together. What's really sad is I'm going to look even worse in the shower. . .

Fortunes

I've always loved fortune cookies. Well at least the fortunes inside. I'm not convinced that anyone actually eats the cookie. . . Some are amusing, some thought provoking, some frighteningly intuitive. As with lots of things, kids have given me a new perspective on fortune cookies and there's a whole new reason they're fun: I get a huge kick out of Sassy. She has become the fortune cookie expert who emphatically declares “That's not a fortune!” when someone gets a less than desirable peek into the future. Oh, the irony when our last visit to a Chinese restaurant resulted in Sassy getting: “Have a nice day.” HAHA! I laughed SO hard as she pouted and scowled. She's right. That's SO not a fortune.

I've been carrying one around in my wallet for a while now: “You will be fortunate in every way.” I loved it. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It might be one of my favorite holidays. There's no extra pomp and circumstance. No exchanging presents, no dying eggs, no shooting off fireworks. Just family and food. LOTS of food. “I should have worn elastic” amounts of food. And of course, giving thanks. Something we should honestly do all year long. It's nice though to set aside a day to acknowledge how blessed we are—because at times, it can be hard to remember on the other 364. I know that I often forget—when my molehills are growing into mountains and life's curveballs keep coming. Unfortunately it's easy to let life's tragedies and hard-knocks overshadow the many blessings. So I love this fortune. It's been a nice reminder every time I open my wallet that I AM fortunate to be living this life. Even when I'm opening my wallet at the pump to fork over $3 a gallon. Which sadly would be “cheap”. . .

And how cool is this. . . the other night while Sassy was sulking about her fortune and doing her best to NOT “have a nice day,” I cracked open my fortune cookie: “You will be fortunate in every way.” Now, maybe getting two of the same fortunes says we eat at this particular Chinese restaurant a little too much. Maybe there are thousands of people walking around with the same mass-produced fortune tucked in their wallets. But I like to think that I was destined to have that fortune—and it's only fitting that I have multiple ones. Just like our blessings. :)

Happy Thanksgiving! And have a nice day. HA!

Hallo-Mean

This year, we had a mermaid, a pumpkin, and two "mean" parents. No masks necessary.

This parenting thing is hard work. Or maybe I put too much pressure on myself. I'm no expert by any means so I often find myself questioning my decisions: wondering how something will affect these little people we're raising or how it will come back to bite me in the years to come.

Last Halloween, we had an absolute blast. We went with some of our best friends to a nearby (rich) neighborhood and went door-to-door filling our buckets until they were too heavy for little hands to carry. The streets were filled with trick-or-treaters, as my friend put it, "like something out of a movie." The quintessential Halloween. It was a great time.

Which made things difficult when Halloween rolled around this year. We struggled with what to do. Was it more important to have fun or more important to do the "right" thing and only go to homes we know? Would we forever ruin Halloween if we didn't let our kids go back and experience the perfect Halloween?

Well, after much discussion, we decided to make our children hate us and only go to homes we know. No, we didn't go to as many places as last year and no, we didn't get as much candy, and yes, it was a huge pain getting in and out of carseats at each stop. (No door-to-door in our "neighborhood" out in the boonies.) But we discovered some hidden blessings in being the "mean" parents. We introduced ourselves to some new neighbors that we've been meaning to meet; Halloween gave us an excuse to stop. We got to visit with our neighbors who have been married for 60+ years and never have trick-or-treaters. Doug exclaimed, "We were hoping you'd stop! I told Gail to get some candy!" I know the girls made their night.



We got the "special" treatment at Sassy's librarian's house--who happens to be my dear friend--because we got to go IN and visit unlike all the other trick-or-treaters on the porch.



Another friend was SO excited that we were coming. She and her teenage daughter never have trick-or-treaters. I don't know what was cuter, seeing the girls walk up her steps, or seeing Michelle rush back in the house and stage the scene. "Oh, who could it be? Ohhhh, trick or treaters!"



Sassy did complain a few times that she didn't get as much candy but I told her to look again: her bucket was full of love. Not sure she bought that one.

But my heart was full. It's hard to move away from family and friends, especially after you have kids. But then you find people who love you, and love your kids, and become your family away from home. And I hope that after a few years, THIS will become our quintessential Halloween. I guess if it makes me the mean parent by taking my kids to see people who love them, then I'm guilty as charged.

Lost in Translation

My dad told me years ago to write down the funny words Sassy said because I would forget. NAH! How could I ever forget?! Well, once again, Dad was right and a few years later, I have forgotten not only what she used to sound like, but also the "words" she used. It makes me sad, and then I realize that someday I'm going to forget what the girls are like right NOW. They keep growing up on me. :) So I decided to come up with some words they've used/are using. My apologies to Sassy--I can't remember as much for you! I guess it helps even out the playing field a bit--there are definite other perks to being the firstborn. :)

Sassy-isms:
Wipe-kin=Napkin
GG, JD, Piggy=the progressive names of Sassy's lovey, a John Deere pig
Rock Chalk=sidewalk chalk (my apologies to my Wildcat family, she seriously came up with this herself)
Farties=candy that the rest of us know as Smarties. (My sisters would make her say this and then just ROLL laughing.)
Legpits=the backside of her knees

Stinkus-isms:
Day-Day=Stinkus's lovey, a bear head attached to a blanket
Gug-gug=Drink (we think she was making the gulp sound. It has now become Gink.)
Hemi, hemi!=Hold me, hold me! (I'm going to miss this one a LOT someday. . . )
Sa, Sa-sa, Sassy=the progressive names of Big Sis
Pood, pinger, power, pone=Food, finger, flower, phone (Having some trouble with Fs)
Do Do=Dora
Pocus Pocus!=this is the answer she gives if you ask for the magic word. But to her credit, she uses Pwwwease a lot. :)
What is dat? Dat poop?=If there is a leaf on the ground, marker on her hands, a crayon on the floor, this is the standard response. You'd think the girl had some traumatic experience with poop.
Ginky and pi-whoa=Blankie and pillow. Gotta have both plus a dog named Bo-bo and the above mentioned Day-Day to sleep.

I know there are LOTS more that I've forgotten. But I wanted to get these down because on any given day, Stinkus could wake up and ask to watch "Dora" or say, "Hold me." Or worst--stop asking to be held. . . While I'm thrilled to say that Sassy still uses Piggy and "rock chalk," those days are numbered too. I have to remind myself not to wish for them to stop growing up. I would be devastated if something happened and they didn't get to. But it would be pretty great if I could wave my arms, say "Pocus, pocus" and make time slow down just a bit.

Dream House!

So we've FINALLY found our DREAM house!

three bedrooms/2 baths
2000 sq ft plus a full basement
2 fireplaces
remodeled kitchen
hardwood floors
two car garage
huge yard
lots of trees
dining room
2 living areas

It also has a blue toilet and carpet that needs to be stretched. Yep, folks, we're staying put. Things didn't work out to move. . . or did they? I'm a "sign" person--always looking for things that are meant to be. A few months ago, I just KNEW that we were "supposed" to move. (After all, nuns wanted to buy our house--I mean, if that's not a direct order from the Big Guy, I don't know what is!) Long story short--our buyers fell through and within 24 hours, we found out that the one house we had looked at had a contract. So if that's not a sign, I don't know what is. . . We've since had two other interested parties (and our house has NEVER been on the market!) but nothing has come of it. At first, I wasn't sure what to think. What was that all about? Maybe we were supposed to put our house on the market--this was just the little push we needed. Maybe we were supposed to look for houses in town. Or maybe, we need to appreciate what we already have.

It can be really easy to get caught up in what the Jones have. And I know that people think we're crazy for living where we do. Fifteen minutes from Walmart? GASP! But after looking at what's out there, I realized that we have it pretty good right here. Yes, our house is almost as old as we are but Epiphany #1: New houses become old, and eventually need work too. Epiphany #2: We have a lot of space here that I'm just not willing to give up. We can't afford the space we have in a newer home. Case in point--we found a house online with the exact same square footage on LESS acreage... for $200,000 MORE than we paid. Yes, that comma is in the right place. Granted, the basement is finished and it's newer BUT someday we hope to have a finished basement too--and for less that 200 Gs.

Lately, we've been putting in a lot of time around the firepit with friends and while there are definitely things I hate about living here (blue toilet, copperheads, blue toilet. . .) I can't give up the stars at night, the coyotes howling in the distance, the moon coming up through the trees. It's like God himself is saying, LOOK at what I've given you. So I'm grateful to the nuns. They helped me realize that as with many things in life, everything you want is often right in your backyard. Literally.

Seasons

Every year, I swear I'm going to catch it happening.

I'll see some red or yellow here or there and then seemingly overnight, the green is gone, the leaves have changed and fall is here. I miss it every year. I haven't decided if it's because it truly does happen overnight, or if it's so gradual that I don't notice the changes taking place right before my eyes.

Last weekend, I was with the girls at a local craft fair. A complete stranger stopped to comment on them (I guess they're cute?) and then went on to say what I've been hearing for five years now: "Oh enjoy them, they grow so fast. Mine used to be that little." For the last five years, I've been nodding politely when I hear this but not really believing it. To be perfectly honest, I don't even remember life before children. Five years has, at times, felt like an eternity. Like when someone is puking on me or shooting poop across the room during a diaper change. Or throwing crayons in church (which, by the way, is NOT the ideal time to realize your kid has a great arm.) Or when your newborn wakes up AGAIN--and you immediately start crying because you just don't think you can do it anymore. But you do. And somehow, it's five years later, and you realize those strangers might know what they're talking about after all. It DOES go fast. You can't see it happening, you can't see them changing and growing, but one day you turn around and your babies aren't babies anymore. The newborn phase, the puke, the poop--it all ends. (Notice I didn't say the crayon throwing. We still have a few Sundays where she breaks that out. Sigh.) But like everything else, this too shall pass. I know that too soon the day will come when I'm telling some frazzled, exhausted (and not convinced) mom that it goes fast. I need to remember to stop focusing so much on the trees' new colors, and enjoy the changes it took to get there. Even though I missed it again this fall, there's always next year. But my girls will never be as little as they are today. And those are changes worth noticing.

Heaven on Earth

I remember when I was pregnant with Sassy. We had the nursery painted, the diapers stacked, the little socks balled up in drawers next to onesies. Names were picked out, showers planned, equipment assembled. We were ready. People would tell me how much this little person was going to change our lives and I would nod, knowingly. I KNEW. Or so I thought.

Then she was born. And I realized that nothing could prepare me for what I felt. I know it sounds cliche, but I fell totally and completely in love with this perfect little person who--let's be honest here--may have better resembled a red, hairy monkey. But suddenly I realized what everyone had been saying. You can't possibly know the depth of that love until you're there, watching your life change in an instant. There are truly no words to describe it. And even after experiencing it, I couldn't fully recall the power of that moment until three years later when another hairy little monkey entered my world. It's the most amazing, overwhelming sense of love EVER. And then it dawned on me: what if. . . that's what heaven is like? We hear about how beautiful it is, how amazing it is, and we THINK we know. We imagine our loved ones there. And we take comfort in the fact that they're happy. We read about it, we pray about it, we listen to God's word, we strive to get there someday. But we can't possibly understand the depth of that love until we're there, watching our lives change in an instant.

My family has had to say goodbye to many loved ones--including four who ironically never had the chance to become parents. It's taken me a while to remember that while we selfishly want them here, if heaven is anything like the first few moments of parenthood, they're not missing anything. We just miss THEM. It doesn't make it easier that they're gone, but it does give me peace to believe that they constantly feel what I've known only twice in my life. And I know I'll see them again. Until then, I'll keep enjoying my own little heaven on earth. I've been blessed with two little monkeys and some special angels who look over all of us.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Thirty years ago, yours truly was the flower girl for Homecoming:


Sorry about the photo quality. It was 1981, after all. . . :)


I'm also sorry for all the plaid skirts. Again, it was 1981.

And thirty years later, Sassy was asked to be flower girl for Homecoming:







It was such a great night. Different state, different town, different team, same hometown feel. I loved seeing the night through her eyes, especially since I don't remember much about the 1981 version. I'm sure it was pretty cool to be the flower girl, but I have to say being the mommy of the flower girl ranks right up there too.

Bye Bye Baby

Between starting kindergarten and playing soccer, Sassy has been getting a lot of the spotlight lately. However, there's someone else in our house who's been busy with some milestones of her own.

In a few short months Stinkus will be 2 1/2 and slowly but surely, signs of babyhood are disappearing from our household. Once again, it's bittersweet. I LOVE this age and I'm having so much fun seeing her become this little PERSON. (Unfortunately, she's got enough personality for ten little persons but I digress... ha!) On the flip side, it's hard to see her so big. It seems like she should still be that dark haired baby we brought home from the hospital.

However, all good things must come to an end so. . .

Signs that Our Babyhood Era is ending:

1) Stinkus is sleeping in a big girl bed and doing pretty well. She has some issues STAYING there when we first turn out the light. It's apparently great fun to come running down the hall, peek around the corner at us, shriek, "Uh oh! Dey see me!" and run like a maniac back to bed. After a few dozen times, she's out and we don't see her til morning. I'll take it.

2)The feeding chair has retired to the basement with the other "garage sale items." That one may have been a mistake. I'm missing the straps on the feeding chair and trying to come up with a way to plant her tush to the chair so we make it through one meal.

3) Stinkus is talking a mile a minute, though not always in English. Lately we're noticing that she's trying so hard to get her thoughts out that it's total jibberish except for the last two words, which is really all she needed to say in the first place.

4) She's growing like crazy. This summer she wore sandals that Sassy wore the Easter before she turned three, and most of the outfits that fit are 3T. So much for having another girl. I'm afraid there are few tubs in the basement she can wear!

5) I'm no longer saving clothes/shoes/toys, etc for the next baby. Instead, it's going to the next garage sale. I'm pretty excited that a lot of the big items have already found other homes. And cleared up space in mine!

6) Each box of diapers may be our last. I should probably do some serious potty training boot camp because it's typical for her to bring me a diaper, wipes and instructions: "Here, I pooped. Change me." For some reason though, she refuses to sit on the potty. I keep hoping that she'll decide one of these days and it will all just click.

7) She's a huge help around the house. Maybe it's because she doesn't realize she's doing chores, but Stinkus loves helping us do laundry and load/unload the dishwasher. Sometimes her help isn't wanted--like when she pulls a chair up to the counter and dumps whatever is within reach to the dish you had going for dinner. But overall, she's a good little worker.

It's hard to believe that almost three years ago (to the date!), we found out we were pregnant with her. At the time, I couldn't picture anyone but Sassy, and I couldn't imagine loving another baby. But as happens with any family, God lets your heart grow and your love double, and now I can't imagine life without our Stinkus. I thank God that He sent us such a little spitfire. I often joke and say we were going to have three until we met #2. . . but in reality, it's because life is complete with these two little girls. Plus I'm not totally convinced a third could survive this:

SCORE!

I wasn't planning on starting the girls in any activities until they were older. A) We've got lots of time to chauffeur kids around in the sixteen years to come, B) I usually don't sit down until 8:30 as it is, C) I'm exhausted, D) I didn't want to spend the money, E) Did I mention I'm tired? But a friend needed some more players for a local soccer team, Sassy emphatically declared, "I would love to!" and the next thing I know, we're buying shin-guards and soccer socks. It's just a month, I told myself. We can do this.

Earlier this week, Sassy came home with some homework that she couldn't wait to do. (Wonder how long that attitude will last. . . ) Unfortunately, the excitement soon turned to tears as my mini-me tried in vain to fix her poster. "It's horrible!" she cried, trying to color over pictures, and then erasing, and then crying some more. There was little I could say--I know her pain all too well. I've wasted too many hours trying to get everything "perfect," essentially always chasing something that can never be. It's exhausting. I hate to see her being so hard on herself. I'm by far my worst critic, and I know firsthand that it's hard to quiet that inner voice even when your mommy is telling you how great your poster is. So I went to bed with a heavy heart. How did I manage to pass this on to her?! Of course, then I look at Stinkus and have to wonder again about the nature thing. . . ha! Maybe firstborn kiddos are always like this?

And then we had soccer last night. I was a little nervous considering the meltdown the night before. Soccer is a whole new ballgame--pardon the pun--and I just wasn't sure how she'd handle it. Well, I soon learned that (as usual) I worried for nothing. Sassy was a soccer rock star! She scored two goals, but that was far from the best part. My little girl was right in the middle of the action, kicking the ball and moving it down the field with a confidence that made my heart swell. She wasn't afraid to get in there and take charge--without being rude or aggressive though. She was just HAPPY. It was amazing to see her out there. She was SO excited--cheering on her teammates, getting the ball, loving life. It was hard to believe that she was the same little girl upset over her homework. I was so proud of her.






Her first words off the field: "I scored two scores and I fell down four times! But I'm O.K!" One of the things I'm trying to learn as a mommy is that there are going to be lots of heartaches that I can't fix. Lots of messed-up posters and tears. And it might be harder on MY heart to see that. But after her soccer debut, I realized that it's O.K. if she falls down. The Sassy we're raising will jump back up, brush off the grass, and get back in the game. And that's exactly what I want for her.

Baby Fever

Last weekend we headed "out west" to see my brother and his family. They live seven hours away and I'm embarrassed to say it's been three years since we've been to their house. In our defense, though, life was a little different three years ago. We only had Sassy and they were newly pregnant the first time around. Those offspring tend to shake up your life a bit. :) They now have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old girl and a sweet 7 week old boy. My girls are IN LOVE. They've decided that we now need a baby. Specifically a boy. Specifically a boy with the same name as my nephew. :)

It made me a little sad watching the girls with Baby K. Sassy is getting to the point where she would be a huge help with a baby. And she was SO good. She would sit and "read" books or just sing songs forever. I think she might want a baby just to have someone listen to her talk. :)



And I've always seen Stinkus as the little sister. It was SO sweet to see her with a baby. I realized she'd make a pretty good big sister as well.



Hmmmm. . . . another baby?

Before I had children, I always wanted four. Then I had one. Hello, Reality! And this after an "easy" baby. So I "settled" for having three. And then I had two. Whoa. Why did a second feel like we added half a dozen more? I really feel like a failure sometimes because two is a LOT. And then I look at my mom and think, How on earth did she do 8?! Without becoming an alcoholic?

I love my girls, don't get me wrong. I really don't know what we used to do with our time. Or what used to make us laugh. Now we have Sassy talking about Chicken Boy in school and Stinkus yelling, "Are you kidding me, Mom?" (And yes, while that one required some definite discipline, it was pretty much impossible to keep a straight face.) It's hard work, but it's also truly the best thing I've ever done. I give thanks every day that God let me be their mommy. It's a great gig.

But honestly, they will most likely have to get their baby fix from their cousins. I have to admit that I'm pretty darn excited to be almost done with diapers (hopefully sooner rather than later, please, Stinkus). And whenever I start thinking, "Maybe one more," I remember those first weeks of "Oh my gosh, what did we do?!" I wasn't a newborn person. Yes, they're all sweet and cuddly, but I love how much easier life is now. I love that feeding Stinkus doesn't require any of my body parts and that she can tell me things like, "Ow, my poot (foot) hurts" and I don't have to guess what might be wrong. Honestly, I'd probably have a dozen if they came out as toddlers.

But for now, our family is complete, and the girls will have to cure their baby fever with some road trips.



Unless God has some other crazy plans. And at this point, I'd be the one saying, "Are you kidding me?" :)

Ups and Downs

Yesterday we took the girls to a local amusement park. What a great day. I really wasn't expecting it to be much fun because I thought we would "suffer" through the kiddie rides then have to take turns to ride some "real" stuff. I was pleasantly surprised that both girls could ride almost everything--and they DID! At 5 and 2, the girls rode a coaster that I rode somewhere around fourth grade. . . and I remember being terrified! :) They did great. Sa, our normally apprehensive, nervous one (wonder where she gets that. . . ) didn't once question what a ride would do, or if it was scary, or how big it was. They just giggled and laughed at everything. I can't wait to go back. Who knew what we were missing.

Not to say the day was without glitches. Throughout the day, I:

made Ryan turn around not once, but twice as we tried to get out the door on time. I forgot my coffee (didn't want a headache) and then forgot to turn off the machine that made my coffee.

used a Walmart bag to catch the product of a carsick Sa. . . Thankfully she was better after we got off the curvy, hilly highway. And the rides didn't cause further destruction!

realized that after ten minutes of being at the park and hearing "I'm thirsty" twice, I had left our drinks and snacks in the car.

made three sandwiches for one child at our lunchtime picnic because two ended up on the ground. Apparently Stinkus isn't good at plate balancing yet.

realized that putting children (specifically ones named Stinkus) on a leash for future visits really isn't a bad idea after all.

rescued an open Dora umbrella from the clutches of Stinkus and a wagon wheel. I don't even know that I can explain. . .

helped stop a bloody nose on the way home--Poor Sa inherited this from her daddy. And poor Murano. Seriously, the car saw its fair share of bodily fluids this weekend.

Overall, though, it was a great day. And a reminder that life is typically like a roller coaster. Lots of ups, lots of downs, moments when we're scared, moments when we're laughing. Even when it hands you a bag of puke, life's pretty darn good.

New Chapters

Sassy (formerly known as "Sa") is starting kindergarten tomorrow. I'm on a bit of a roller coaster about it. One minute, I'm super excited for this new chapter in her life and the next, I'm sad that it's starting. I've been thinking a lot lately about my mom. I really don't think you can ever appreciate everything your mom did for you until you're doing it for your own babies. For instance, I had a little bit of sticker shock after we went school shopping. Even for our two income household, that stuff adds up! And yet, I know that I started EVERY school year with new clothes and supplies. It was never "Oh, these pencils are still good" or "Your shoes still fit." Which doesn't sound like any big deal until you stop and consider there were eight of us. And when I was a senior, seven of us were in school. I have no clue how my parents did it. I can remember going through two to three gallons of milk a day, and drinking glass after glass after glass. No one ever told us to stop. I'm sure there were days when money was tight and life was stressful, but we kids never knew. We always had what we needed. My mom has always been such an amazing, selfless person--I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp everything she gave up for us. She certainly never told us what she went without so we could have.

Everyone always says that they love to see the world again through their babies' eyes. I've realized that being a mom also allows me to see it through my mom's. At the time of my own milestones, I didn't stop and think how my mom felt. How did she feel watching me walk away? In my little knee socks up the big steps of the school bus? Across the stage of board members for my diploma? Down the aisle to the man I would marry? I never stopped to think what it meant to her. And while Sassy starting kindergarten certainly isn't about me, it IS a new chapter for me. I'm trying to not let her see my tears, fears, or nerves. I asked the other day if she was nervous and she looked at me like I had three heads. What on earth is there to be nervous about?! So I'm keeping that to myself and letting her enjoy this big moment. While it's hard, I never want her to feel guilty for doing what I pray for every day--to grow up. I give thanks every passing day that she gets to. And I give thanks to the woman who let me. I'm sure it wasn't easy to send me off to school thirty years ago, but I was ready--God had already given me the best teacher ever.

Words of Wisdom

Parenthood is definitely hard for those of us who like instant results. I love when I can cross things off my "To Do" list. (I guess this is where I should admit that I add things I've already done just for the satisfaction of crossing them off. Yes, it's sick, I know.) Anyway. . . Clean house, check. Grocery shopping, check. Laundry, check. Raising strong, well-balanced, independent, all around "good" kids. Hmmmm. Not sure when you can ever check that one off. But luckily, you get little peeks here and there that maybe, just maybe, you know what you're doing.

When we came back from vacation, I threw the girls in the tub, started the water, and left for two minutes. Then I hear blood-curdling screaming and of course, I think the worst--I'm that mother who left them unattended in the tub and someone drowned. I run down the hall and meet Sa, buck naked, screaming, and sliding on the floor. I run in the bathroom, expecting the worst, and Stinkus is happily playing in the bubbles, oblivious to the big fat frog sitting on the edge of the tub. Talk about traumatic. Days passed before Sa would go to the bathroom without crying. (I kind of feel that way too but it's because seven years after we bought this house, the toilet is still blue.) So anyway, we finally convince her that it was a one-time thing, she doesn't have to worry about a frog tub invasion. We still don't know where the little booger came from. My theory is he came in at one point with the dog, and migrated to the girls' tub toys (always a little water in the bottom of the basket) and hung out there while we were in FL. Imagine HIS poor trauma when we returned for baths!

So fast forward a few more days. The girls want to swim in their little pool outside. Which isn't a problem, but our dog is in his pen and will bark like crazy when he sees and hears us. Which means I have to go get him. Which isn't a problem, but his pen is in the woods outside our house and I might encounter a mom-eating snake. I share none of this with the girls. Only: "Man, I have to get Bo."

Sa: "Mom, how many snakes have you seen out there?" (How did she know?!)
Me: "None. . ."
Sa: "Ok, it's like the frog. There won't be any snakes down there. You can't be scared because you might see one."

Wow. How many times did she sit terrified on the blue toilet but did it anyway. . . So I bucked up and ran like a madwoman to the pen and back. No snakes. I returned breathless to my five year standing in the little pool with her hand on her hip.

"So. How many snakes did you see?" She smirked.

I wasn't sure whether to be angry that she was being so sassy or proud that she's listening to what I say after all and taking it in. I'm going with #2 and checking it off the list. . . for today at least. Tomorrow's a whole other day.

Survivor: Florida Style

So after surviving ten years of marriage, we decided to go back (as my husband so romantically put it) to the "scene of the crime." :) Key West, Florida. We were there for our honeymoon in 2001 and always said that we'd love to go back. So we flew down to St. Petersburg, rented a car and made our way down to Fort Myers then to Key West. We somehow managed to exist on just three basic human needs: food, water and shelter. . .

1. Food
I'm blessed to have a husband who not only loves to cook, but also loves to experience food. He sounds like a bit of a food snob (which is SO not him) because he hates McDonalds, digs the Food Network, and refuses most chains (especially in new cities.) He likes to get off the beaten path and try the local joints--which I admit can be a bit scary sometimes! ha! So traveling and eating with this guy is just fun.

We had sushi a few times. (Not always a kid friendly choice so we took advantage of being girl-free!) Obviously it was good stuff--in the words of the little Asian guy who came to clear off our table: "You eat da ho boat!" Yes, yes, we did. Da ho boat was amazing.















In Key West, we tried some Cuban food (big Cuban influence there) which involved panini-type pork sandwiches and plantain chips. I wasn't sure what to expect (Isn't a plantain like a big banana?) but they were awesome. Kind of like a fried wonton strip at a Chinese place.




Of course, we also had to do Key Lime Pie and walked what seemed like forever (the island is really only 2 by 4 miles) to THE spot for pie: Blue Heaven.


It did not disappoint. Check out that meringue!!!


















And we also had to do some fresh seafood. We had grouper and shrimp one night and went to Turtle Kraal's (a Key West legacy) another night for mahi mahi. I think I licked my plate. SO good. Or was it because we had just gotten off the Sunset Cruise (see below. . ) Definitely can't get seafood like that in the Midwest.












And there's something about eating right on the seaport that makes it taste even better.



We also tried out a yellow taco hut late one night. This one really freaked me out (I mean, seriously, a yellow taco hut?) but luckily, R ordered me a burrito and it turned out to be a lot like Qdoba or Chipotle--only better. Of course, maybe that was just because it was late and I was starving. . . ha! Funny story--we go to a local pizzeria the next night (amazing tomato, basil and bacon by the way) and after R starts telling the pizza guy about this taco hut that freaked me out, we find out that same guy made our burritos the night before. Umm, before you spit on my pizza can I say that I wasn't THAT freaked out by the taco hut? It was lovely. Really. Perfect shade of construction-hat yellow.

2. Water
When you're in Florida and you're a tourist, most of your time is spent in the water. We were no exception. This is where we spent most of our time in Fort Myers.


We had our beach stuff, books, magazines, cooler (I'm actually shocked at how many times we had to refill it...) and of course, our tunes.



Best invention ever. A waterproof speaker for a phone or MP3 player. We use it a lot at home on the rivers and it turned out to be great in our little "cabana" too. We were blessed with beautiful weather while we were down there. I worried about it raining a lot--after all, ten years ago, a pop up shower blew in EVERY day, but we had gorgeous blue skies except for an hour one morning. Perfect for beach time.






On Friday, we took the Key West Express to Key West for the weekend. It's a three- story, high speed catamaran that gets you to the island in about three hours. Definitely the way to go.



On the way back, we had some technical issues. . . not something you want to hear while in the middle of the ocean! Aside from the trip taking longer because they couldn't go at full speed, it actually turned out to be a good thing because we could stand on the upper deck without getting blown off. And there was a gorgeous sunset to take in.





While we were down in Key West, we did a Sunset Cruise. You go out on a sailboat for several hours of "all-you-can-drink" until the sun goes down. (Our kind of excursion!) We did one for our honeymoon, but this one was SO much better! Our catamaran was smaller but it didn't feel as "commercialized" because there were only about 15 of us--it felt more intimate. We met another couple and really got to know the crew. Captain Tim and Alexa were great--in fact, one time, Captain Tim came out with a new cold one for R because he said the can crunching was driving him crazy--a man couldn't sit with an empty beer on HIS boat! ha! As usual, the Key West sun was gorgeous and I think I got some postcard worthy shots. :)







One of our hot spots at Key West was the pool at our bed and breakfast. Every afternoon, Innkeeper Tracy hosted a complimentary happy hour with snacks and drinks. It was SO fun. We got to meet all of the other couples there (No kids allowed at this B&B) and just hang out and enjoy. We met one couple from Orlando who said they'd help us conquer "THE" Disney trip someday. Bruce also owns an airboat--from which he GATOR hunts (holy cow)--and he said he'd love to take us all out for a ride. It was just really nice to get to know everyone.

Finally, when we got back to Fort Myers, we did a wave-runner dolphin tour. Jake took us out through the Gulf and into several coves around Lovers Key. I really don't know where we went. . . but it was a long tour! R's hand was killing him and my backside was sore from bouncing around. (I swore there was enough cushion back there. . . ha!) At one time, we were up to 45 mph out in the ocean which was just awesome.




Even better, we found some dolphins and I was amazed at how they would come RIGHT up to us. In fact, one group swam right under our wave runner--I was yelling at R not to hit them. ha! I wasn't fast enough with my camera to catch them when they came up for air, so this is about all I have.





All week from the shore, we kept seeing them jump out of the water for air, but it was so amazing to see them up close in their natural environment.

3. Shelter

We stayed at two very different places. Our suite in Fort Myers was more "luxurious"--definitely the resort experience. And right on the beach. It doesn't get much better when both your front and back balconies overlook water. We stayed there three years ago for a wedding and loved it. We hope to go back sometime with the girls. It's very family friendly--which isn't always the case in Key West. . . ha!











In Key West we did a bed and breakfast (but not the one from our honeymoon.) We had a little "cabin" off the back of the main house and we LOVED it. It was very private and secluded and we had our own little sitting area out front. The room was pretty tiny, but it was very "Key West." Tropical, quaint, airy, hardwood floors, just cute. If we go back to the island, we will definitely stay there--we were two blocks from Duval Street and one block from the seaport. Not to mention Happy Hour at the pool! :)









At any rate, we managed to survive on those three basic necessities: food, water, and shelter. :) Actually, we thrived. We had our best vacation yet and it was really fun to visit the place where our story started and to add to the memories we already had.



It was even better to get back to where the story continues--to the two little people yelling, "Mommy! Daddy!" and jumping into our arms. I missed those little stinkers.