New Chapters

Sassy (formerly known as "Sa") is starting kindergarten tomorrow. I'm on a bit of a roller coaster about it. One minute, I'm super excited for this new chapter in her life and the next, I'm sad that it's starting. I've been thinking a lot lately about my mom. I really don't think you can ever appreciate everything your mom did for you until you're doing it for your own babies. For instance, I had a little bit of sticker shock after we went school shopping. Even for our two income household, that stuff adds up! And yet, I know that I started EVERY school year with new clothes and supplies. It was never "Oh, these pencils are still good" or "Your shoes still fit." Which doesn't sound like any big deal until you stop and consider there were eight of us. And when I was a senior, seven of us were in school. I have no clue how my parents did it. I can remember going through two to three gallons of milk a day, and drinking glass after glass after glass. No one ever told us to stop. I'm sure there were days when money was tight and life was stressful, but we kids never knew. We always had what we needed. My mom has always been such an amazing, selfless person--I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp everything she gave up for us. She certainly never told us what she went without so we could have.

Everyone always says that they love to see the world again through their babies' eyes. I've realized that being a mom also allows me to see it through my mom's. At the time of my own milestones, I didn't stop and think how my mom felt. How did she feel watching me walk away? In my little knee socks up the big steps of the school bus? Across the stage of board members for my diploma? Down the aisle to the man I would marry? I never stopped to think what it meant to her. And while Sassy starting kindergarten certainly isn't about me, it IS a new chapter for me. I'm trying to not let her see my tears, fears, or nerves. I asked the other day if she was nervous and she looked at me like I had three heads. What on earth is there to be nervous about?! So I'm keeping that to myself and letting her enjoy this big moment. While it's hard, I never want her to feel guilty for doing what I pray for every day--to grow up. I give thanks every passing day that she gets to. And I give thanks to the woman who let me. I'm sure it wasn't easy to send me off to school thirty years ago, but I was ready--God had already given me the best teacher ever.