June 3

I don't remember much about this night three years ago.  I remember thinking I needed to take it all in and remember life with just one child, but I guess when two becomes your new "normal," it's hard to imagine it any other way.  I remember it was a strange feeling to know that the next day we would be meeting Baby #2.  (I went into labor with Sassy and then had a C-section--more on that later this month--so this time around, we had a scheduled appointment.)  On June 2, I remember Sassy and Daddy played dress-up on the couch and she kept calling him, "Cousin."  "What you doing, Cousin?"  "Cousin, you ready to go?"  I remember laughing SO hard and then crying because I felt SO guilty for bringing a new baby into her life and rocking her world.  And I just wasn't sure, despite what I'd heard, that I could love someone else as much as I loved her.  Hormones.  :)

The next morning, my parents showed up early because we had to be at the hospital at 10:00 am.  We told Sassy goodbye and got on the road.  Again, it was so strange to feel perfectly fine and know that in a few hours, we would be having a baby.  I remember talking on the way about names (we were STILL finalizing a girl's name) and wondering what we were having.  We were "those" people who didn't find out either time.  :)  And I loved it.

We got into our room and unfortunately, stayed there a lot longer than we anticipated.  Several women decided (ha) to go into labor and since I wasn't in any rush or at risk, we got pushed back.  The waiting was horrible.  I was READY.  And the longer we waited, the more I worried.  It was a weird situation--the first time around, I obviously didn't know what to expect with a C-section so I was terrified about what would happen. This time, I knew too much, and therefore worried about everything that could go wrong.  It didn't help that there was NOTHING on TV to help pass the time.  At one point, I looked over at R and realized he was wearing the same shirt as when Sassy was born, which would have been super sweet. . . except it wasn't intentional.  Ha!  We got a good laugh and that shirt has since become known as "The Baby Birthin' Shirt."

FINALLY, a nurse came in who was actually ready to take me.  The rest is all so surreal.  I'm not sure if it's the drugs or the experience itself but both times, it almost felt like a dream.  R joined me after they got me ready.  I remember getting really nauseous (yay for instant IV meds that help that) and then I worried about coughing (I had a horrible cold) in the middle of the procedure.  At one point, it felt like an 800 pound man was sitting on my chest, squeezing the air out of me. . . I'm not sure that I want to know what that was. . .   We had a different doctor this time around and I loved hearing the same thing from her that Dr. T had remarked about Sassy:  "Ohhhh, look at all the dark hair and eyelashes."  Then I heard a baby crying from what sounded like next door, and my eyes filled up, thinking, "Ohhhh, we get that SOON."  And then I looked over and it WAS our baby!  haha!  I asked what it was and heard for the second time, "It's a girl!" and R rushed over to her.  And I cried.  :)  She was beautiful, and absolutely perfect.  And it was major deja vu because she looked SO much like Big Sister.  They were even one ounce, and one inch apart.

Big Sis was waiting in the room when they wheeled me in and I can't even explain how amazing it was to see her face light up.  In that moment, I knew that (as usual) I had nothing to worry about.  There was more than enough love to go around, and Stinkus was the perfect gift--for all of us.