Sugar and Spice

I remember being super nervous right after Sa was born. Which is understandable, I know. But I wasn't nervous for the "normal" reasons. In those first few moments, I wasn't thinking about middle-of-the-night feedings or the constant diaper changes. We hadn't found out the gender of our firstborn and I was a little nervous to hear, "It's a girl!"

Fast forward three years later. It's Baby Day and we're waiting to meet #2. During pregnancy, I remember thinking that Stinkus was a boy. My tummy looked like a basketball, I craved hot sauce, I was a little more nauseous this time. And we couldn't quite come up with a girl name we agreed on. Plus, doesn't every father need a son? We have to carry on that family name. We have to have someone catch a baseball. We have to take someone fishing. I had some selfish reasons for not finding out the gender this time around. My logic: Daddy might be disappointed if the ultrasound tech in an exam room reveals that it's another girl, but how can he be disappointed in an operating room?

And this birth quickly became a repeat of #1: the doctor commenting on all the dark hair and the long eyelashes, hearing "It's a girl!" and that flutter of anxiety. And each time, there was one more similarity that set all my worries aside: my husband's twinkling eyes.

I had two C-sections and R had to wear a mask and cap as he sat by my side. I remember searching his face after each birth to a) find out if she was ok and b) find out if HE was ok with a "she." Each time, I held it together until I saw his eyes. I will never forget how they just LIT up and I could tell how big he was smiling without even seeing his mouth.

In all honesty, I had a really hard time picturing R as a dad. Now I know that I could have never imagined a dad this good. And to see him with two girls just warms my heart. There was a reason God sent us Sa and Stinkus. And while they may not carry on the name, they still hit the river with their Daddy. Who knows--maybe that Barbie hat and tacklebox will bring them some luck.