Leap of Faith

As a cradle Catholic, I've never thought much about my religion.  It's who I was and what I did.  I can remember following along with the missalette when I could barely read; cleaning the church (grudgingly I admit) with my mom and grandma, the smell of lemon-scented Pledge forever taking me back to those Saturday mornings; wishing I could be a server like my brothers (luckily my girls will get to!)  And then I grew up and fell in love with a Catholic boy.  I guess when it's all you know, it's all you know.  You have no reason to question any of it.

But others have.  Most have been innocent curiosities.  The coworker who asks about purgatory.  A friend who asked why we didn't believe in the Resurrection.  (What?!  She innocently said she had been raised to believe that we have Jesus hanging on the cross because we don't believe he was raised from the dead.  !!!  It was a good discussion though--and a chance to explain the crucifix as a powerful reminder of His ultimate sacrifice.)  But about a year ago, a coworker pointed out that Jesus didn't command us to celebrate Lent--that it's not mentioned at all in the Bible, and to do so was a sacrilegious defiance of His Word.  Ouch.  Despite our discussion, neither of our minds was changed.  You can't argue or prove faith, after all.  Then The Bible mini-series came out and a "friend" on Facebook attacked it saying "What can you expect from Catholics who worship Mary instead of Christ."  That lead to numerous back-and-forth private Facebook messages in which he told me everything we were doing wrong and how he was simply trying to save me from continuing down the wrong path.  I soon took it upon myself to have one less person on my Friend list.  Growing up in a predominantly Protestant community, I knew my sisters had been the object of such ridicule, but I luckily had somehow escaped, or had been too oblivious to notice.  I was appalled that people who called themselves Christians could be so awful.

But then it got me thinking. . . what if they're right?!  What if we have it wrong. . . ?  What if this was God sending me a message???

Coincidentally enough, R and I then began a study at church called Catholicism by Father Robert Barron.  WOW.  I left each week empowered and in awe of my faith.  His sermons are so down-to-earth and inspirational.  We then did his series The Eucharist, and watched The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn.  It was as if everything I had been doubting or questioning was suddenly clear.

Then this past week, my friend's brother passed away from influenza complications.  It hit way too close to home.  At the funeral mass, I nervously sat in the pew with my non-Catholic coworkers.  I felt like all eyes were on me as I crossed myself and knelt down.  I'll admit that some Sundays, the routine of mass is painfully monotonous.  It's easy to go through the motions and say, "And with your spirit" and stand and kneel and sit without really thinking about what I'm doing.  But on this day, it was as if I'd never before heard the words.  I think I was super sensitive that something would be said to offend them or to give them "ammunition."  What if the priest said something about our reverence to Mary?  What if he talked about Lent?  What if his sermon went against what they believe?  All of my fears, of course, were unfounded.  Simply put, it was absolutely beautiful.  When the priest read the Gospel about Martha asking Jesus where He was, and why He didn't save her brother, I sobbed.  I too, have asked the same thing.  And then the priest delivered his sermon and reminded us all that the deceased isn't dead, he's very much alive with Jesus in the life that He promised.  And that anyone who believes in the Resurrection (See? We do believe!) will never die but have eternal life.  Every song, every prayer, every reading was amazing.  I found myself shaking with emotion and my eyes welling up with tears--some from sorrow, some from shame at being nervous, some from an overwhelming love of my faith.  I realized how beautiful the mass is--and how often I take it for granted.  It was truly one of those "out of body experiences" that could only come from the Holy Spirit.

The next day a coworker stopped me in the hall.  She said she had lots of questions for me and that while mass took her breath away, she left the funeral feeling absolutely terrible.  "Why?!" I asked, nervous about what she had seen or heard to make her feel awful.  "I couldn't get over the reverence, the holiness, of your church.  Mine's a dog and pony show, and I just kept thinking, 'Wow, we're missing the boat here.' There's something to be said for that tradition."  I walked away feeling an absolute peace within my soul.

Sassy recently asked what would happen if she marries someone from a different church.  She's making her First Communion soon and starting to realize what our faith means.  We told her that together, the two of them would have to figure out the best fit for their relationship, and decide which feels most like home.  I'm blessed that the decision made for me almost forty years ago is the same decision I would make today. 

As one of my favorite Father Barron quotes states:  "Faith is not having to have all the answers, but trusting in The One who does."  And for now, that's more than enough. 

The Good Life

I'm kinda bad about the compare thing.  I hope it's human nature and normal.  I hope it's easy to get sucked into.  I hope it's not just me.  I recently learned during an adult study at my church that it's a sign of pride.  Pride?!  Whatta what?!  (But that's a post for a different day.)  I think social media has made it worse.  Facebook:  Look at me/my life/my kids/my husband/what we're doing/where we went/who we're friends with.  Pinterest:  Look at what I'm going to do/build/make/create/wear/decorate.  I can sometimes forget what's going on in my own home, with my own family, with my own life.

And as He always does, God sends me a little message just a few days before Valentine's Day:

AMEN.  Such a great reminder--and unfortunately, something that I need more than I want to admit.  And a few days later when the "good" husbands of the world were sending/delivering flowers and planning romantic dinners at fancy/schmancy restaurants, I was able to step back and appreciate the good life in my own house.

R came home and immediately started rolling out some dough for his famous grilled pizza--and battling the cold outside (hey, at least there wasn't snow on the ground.)  We ate dinner with our babies and then sent them on a little scavenger hunt.

Note to self:  make it harder or longer next time. . . they were ALL over it but it was all OVER way too fast.

  

Who knew that finding new jackets would be this exciting?

Kidz Bop and Frozen CDs! 

And R had planned the rest of our night.  While I would like to say that we make time for each other, having kids has made date night a little more difficult.  I know we go out more than my parents ever did, (who could afford a sitter for our brood?!) but living away from family has proven to be tough.  I love our teenage sitters but I hate to pay someone to hang out at the house while the girls sleep.  So needless to say, date night gets pushed to the side way more than I expected or wanted.  We've tried to do something at home after the girls are in bed, but unfortunately we don't always make the effort to carry through.  (Daddy is watching a game on TV--does a season exist when there are NO games?--and Mama is curled up on the couch with her quilt, a book, and her phone.  If that doesn't ooze hot romance, I'm not sure what does. . .)  Anyway, back to Valentine's Day.  R brought home three different kinds of wine and cheese.  Cheese that is not squirted from a can or comes from a yellow cardboard box!  Happy squeal!  AND. . . for those who don't know my husband,  this is HUGE.  He's a Miller High Life guy.  He's a Jim Beam and water guy.  He's NOT a wine guy.  

And of course, it wasn't a fancy/schmancy, sophisticated wine-tasting.  Because that's not us.  We headed to our (still unfinished) basement, played darts like we used to in college, and listened to some red-dirt country (including one inappropriate song thanks to my brother-in-law about pool hall chili that makes me giggle EVERY time.  Thanks, D.)  Did I mention that we were wearing flip flops OVER our socks?  (It's cold, the floor isn't finished and it's just easy to slide the flip flops on.  Again, HOT.)  But we had SO much fun.    

I do think it's easy to try to define our lives by looking at someone else's.  And unfortunately, we miss out on the life that He's given us.  Twenty years ago, I would have never considered the "perfect" Valentine's Day to include darts and flip flops over socks in an unfinished basement.  But having a guy who's willing to try something I love, who makes me laugh like crazy, and whom I enjoy spending time with makes me realize how blessed I am.  (And good news--he discovered that maybe he IS a wine guy!)  I realize that there's no need or room for comparing in my house.  Unless we're talking about another wine tasting night.  And I'm totally off the couch for that!             

Our 2013

So it's March 3 and we're on our 16th (17th?) snow day of the school year.  The actual temp this morning was 2 (2. No, I didn't leave out a number) and this is the view out my back window:

So. Over. It.  But the good news is that I've never gotten around to posting our Top Moments of 2013.  And because I'm wearing three layers of clothing, (I'm also over The Winter of Trying to Conserve Propane) I'm going to pretend that it's really still Christmas break and I'm not three months behind.  :)

I polled my family recently in the car about our past year and simultaneously, three voices echoed in sweet harmony:  "Florida."  Awwww, Florida.  On more than one occasion, we've all gotten homesick for Florida.  We were driving one day a few months ago and out of the blue, Keke asked oh-so-sadly, "When can we go back to Florida?"  I know there will be other vacations and other trips, but there's something about our first one that will always be special.  Some days it feels like it was all a dream.  It was really that good.

August marked the first day of second grade, preschool and Mama's 15th year!  It was also the last first day for Sassy at the elementary (she'll be at the intermediate next year) and Keke's last first day before kindergarten.  I'm not sure if I'm ready for my Cuddle Buddle to be in school but May marks our last daycare bill and I'm definitely ready for that.  :)

Sassy started riding her bike by herself and Keke conquered staying dry overnight.  Most of the time. . . Seriously though, they're both so darn big.  I love it and hate it all at once.  I love that they're both in boosters and can buckle their own seatbelts, I love that R and I can sleep in on Saturdays while they watch TV, I love that they both dress themselves in the mornings and (usually) have their shoes on the right feet.  I got behind a young mom at Walmart the other day who had a sleeping baby and toddler in one cart and her groceries in the other, and it dawned on me that I've become "that" mom.  The oohing and aahing "older" mom who misses the baby days and realizes how fast it goes by.  However, it was short lived as I watched her juggling the carts, her wallet, the waking baby--and my kids were fighting over who could put the most groceries on the conveyor belt.  ("Girls!  Stop it! There's enough for everyone!  Hey, don't forget the stuff on the bottom.  Mommy's just gonna finish reading the tabloid headlines.")  

Luckily our family keeps feeding my baby fix.  Our new niece/cousin JE barely made the list--she made her appearance on December 28!  And our nephew/cousin S celebrated his "rebirth" in May when he was baptized.  We've had so much fun getting new babies!

We also got the news that we're adding yet another family member this year.  No. . . no babies at this point. . . Just Uncle "Turden."  :)  He and Auntie Moni are getting married in August!  And her nieces are SO excited!  They're also moving only two hours away from us (YAY!) so we're excited to have some more family closer.  

We were blessed with lots of weekend/camping trips with friends and family, and Mama was able to get away to St. Louis with two of my best friends from college.  I met them in 1994 when a stranger knocked on my dorm door saying she needed a place to live after a fight with her roommate--would I mind if she moved in?  Sure. .  . why not?  I look back often on this moment and know that our paths were supposed to cross.     

The three of us have been through a lot in nineteen years.  Two marriages, two babies, two step daughters, one accident, too many funerals, lots of moves, several job changes.  We've done road trips to visit each other, a wedding on the beach, and now a vow to do more getaways together.  We had SUCH a fun weekend.  It's hard to believe I've known these girls for almost 20 years (and even harder to believe that my freshman year of college was that long ago. . yikes.)

Another great year.  We're blessed with family, friends, good health, happy (most of the time!) kids and we're ready for the rest of 2014.  I just hope it involves a little less snow.