Just a Little Bit More

Parenthood is made up of a lot of "this won't last forever" moments.  Middle of the night feedings are replaced by picky eaters who see a fleck of something green and refuse to finish.  Diapers are replaced by big girls who actually wake up in the middle of the night to pee (FINALLY!) Hectic school mornings are replaced by kids who can totally dress themselves and brush their own hair (OK, so this last one doesn't always happen which is why we now keep brushes in the car. . .)

Lately bedtime is taking longer than usual at our house.  We tuck Sassy in, give her a kiss and hug, pull away, and then she says, "Just a little bit more," and she pulls us back in and we do another kiss and hug.  Most nights it's sweet and I want nothing more than to cuddle her a little longer.  But some nights, I'm counting down the minutes until bed time, there are way too many tears from everyone involved, I still have hours of laundry and housework to do before I can go to bed, and I'm ready to call it a day.  It's those nights when "just a little bit more" seems almost too much to ask.  But then I realize that in a matter of years, she may not want one kiss let alone two.  In just ten years she'll be graduating from high school and I'll be the one saying, "just a little bit more."    

And I've already blogged about Keke's cuddling but I now have an official title.  Cuddle Buddle.  Usually said in a high pitched baby voice: "I need my wittle cuddle buddle. . . . "  And while it's usually at bed time, being a Cuddle Buddle is not limited to night time.  Just whenever the Cuddle Buddle mood strikes.  And again, I have to remember that these days won't last. 

Last week, we were cuddling on my bed one afternoon--and again, with Keke, it's face to face, nose to nose, arms wrapped around each other, NO space to breathe.  (One night however, she put her head up on my elbow and when I asked what she was doing, she replied: "I have to put my head up here acuz your bweff weally stinks."  Oh child.. . ) Anyway, we lay like that for a little bit, and then she said, "I wish you were a little kid."

Me:  "Why?" (Expecting to hear that I would be more fun, we could play, go to preschool together, etc.) 

Keke:  "I not want you to die first."

And my heart stopped.  Where did this come from?!

Me:  "Oh honey, I hope I don't die for a really long time.  But only God knows that."

Keke: (sitting up, visibly worried) "Will we die at da same time?  Acuz I not want you to die wiff-out me or me to die wiff-out you."  

And the tears I was holding in spilled over.  Not only did I not know what to say, (seriously, why hasn't someone written a parenting manual?!)  I was also floored that a four year old worries about this.  And it also reminded me how short life is.  I know that we all die.  I know that there is a time and season for everyone.  And I know that heaven will be ten times more amazing than our best days here on Earth.  But I don't know that we're ever "ready."  There's always something left to do, people we don't want to leave, a life here that we can't imagine not having.  I pray that God grants me many more nights to tuck our babies in, many more years of being a Cuddle Buddle (and then years of laughing when we remember that Keke called me her Cuddle Buddle), and "just a little bit more" of this life that I'm so blessed to have.