What Works

I was WAY smarter about life before I had kids. . ."Smart" like when I was in high school and knew everything about the world. . . .only to go to college and realize that my parents were the smart ones.  Before kids, I was never eating McDonald's (especially in the car), never listening to kid CDs (again, in the car) and never working.  And then I had Sassy.  And while it would be a few years before McDonald's and CDs appeared in my car, I realized pretty quickly that I HAD to work.  And not just for financial reasons.  I liked work.  I NEEDED work.  As awful as it might sound and as much as I loved her, I needed to not stress over her 24/7.  I needed something else.  I needed to be Mrs. B.  I needed to be ME.  It shocked me.  I never thought I would want to work.  And while there are days that are hard, I don't have any regrets about working.  People will say that I've missed SO much.  I've been blessed with sitters who didn't tell me when the girls were doing something.  And somehow (I still don't know if it was the VERY first time), they happened to roll over at Thanksgiving break, sit up at Christmas, and walk during the summer.  Sassy saw Keke roll over TWICE before I caught it--not because I was at work, but because I was in the kitchen.  My first time will always be my first time.  And it doesn't make it any less special if it wasn't HER first time.  We have raised our kids, not daycare, and neither is suffering any ill-effects from me working.

I honestly think that for me, work helps me be a better mama.  I love my job.  I love that I'm able to spend my days doing something I truly enjoy.  I feel like it's my "calling."  I love when a kid comes running in to grab the next book in a series on a Friday because she can't wait until Monday.  I love when another talks my ear off about how he couldn't put a book down.  I love when someone tells me they didn't like reading until I found THE book that hooked them.  I love my role as "Mrs. B."  And I love being a mom. I love that I can do both and that my girls see me doing both.  I love when they play library or when Sassy brags to her friends that her mom's the librarian at the middle school.  (Of course, this is only "cool" until she's IN middle school. . . ha!)  I love that she comes to my building every day after school and her little "playground" while I'm finishing up is my library.  I hope she has lots of memories of playing in the stacks, of finding books about Pompeii and Harriet Tubman, of joining my kids for book club on Wednesdays.  I hope that someday she--and her sister--both do what they want in life.

A map of Sassy's "spy room" aka the library

I know that these early years are fleeting, but in one short year, Keke will leave to spend the majority of her waking hours with teachers at school--for 13 years!  That's all they'll ever know.  And honestly, while I'm SO grateful that my own mom was able to stay home with me, I have very few memories of life before kindergarten.  I remember that was the year I learned to tie my shoes, I repeatedly watched in awe as one of the Crystals in my class drank (yes, drank) from her glue bottle, and I cried in the hallway because I didn't understand the "drill" part of a tornado drill. But other than that, life before the 8 am-3 pm schedule is pretty much a blur.

I was recently challenged for a) having C-sections, and then b) working.  As if both make me somewhat "less" of a mom.  Insert sad face here.  Some moms never carry a baby in their body, but it doesn't make them any less of a mother.  I love my girls with a mad, crazy love--one of the many things that I couldn't even begin to comprehend before I had kids.  It's that mad, crazy love that made me choose C-sections to get them here safely.  And it's that mad, crazy love that makes me choose to work.  A happy mom is a good mom, regardless of if she stays home or works.  Motherhood changes you SO much.  You do things you swear you'll never do (like clean projectile poop off the bathroom sink) and you say things you never dreamed you would say ("We don't chew our boogers.")  (Funny how often these days I hear my mother's words of wisdom, 'Never say never.'  HAHA!)  Bottomline, you do what works for you and your family--even if it means turning down the "Stinky Feet" CD so you can hear the McDonald's employee in the drive- through.